AYESHA RASCOE, HOST:
Reconnecting with our past can ground us in the present. The British musician Holly Humberstone recently had this experience while spending time with her family. It inspired the song "Beauty Pageant" on her new album.
HOLLY HUMBERSTONE: I just remember being in my childhood bedroom and opening my wardrobe. And yeah, it's just kind of stacked full of old diaries that I used to keep at school, old books and this old jewelry box that I used to keep all my little treasures in. As I wound it up, the ballerina inside still spun, and the music still played.
(SOUNDBITE OF HOLLY HUMBERSTONE SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: I felt like everything from my childhood kind of just came flooding back, and I realized just how much I had changed.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) So it starts with a girl In a bar, and she's singing from the heart. Glitter curtain, sticky floors, she would die for the applause. Twenty-five...
The song starts with a girl in a bar, and she's singing from the heart. Glitter curtains, sticky floors. She would die for the applause. I used to love performing as a kid. I danced at the Royal Ballet School when I was really, really little, when I was 8. And I remember that being, like, such a magical time in my life. It was my kind of way of learning how to kind of perform and translate my emotions into something creative.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) This stage is yours. Don't forget to have a ball. One day...
Music is kind of my way of interpreting my feelings and to be able to write songs. And then to be able to share them with the world - that was my absolute end goal of like, I've made it if I can achieve that.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) So I'll dance till I drop. Pull on my strings and wind me up. I'll be your favorite till I'm not. Like a...
I remember coming out of school and going straight into the music industry when I was 17 and just kind of being really disoriented. The music industry really does kind of thrive off pitting women against each other, and it's something that I really struggled with and still struggle with, but sometimes it does feel like being kind of trapped in this constant beauty pageant that you can't really escape from that's kind of forced upon you.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) Come on and make me pretty. The stage...
In the song, it has this constant push and pull and this kind of dichotomy of pain and pleasure kind of all wrapped up in the same thing because I love getting to do my job. I think I have the best job in the world, and it's really all I've ever dreamt of doing, but the goalposts kind of keep moving as you progress in your career. With all of these kind of pressures and all of these other people to compare yourself to, it's really, really easy to lose sight of why you started doing it.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) I pray that one day, I'll turn and face the mirror with a smile, turn and face the mirror. Away, and smile. You're going to crush it, sweetie pie. But I'm...
During this process, when I went home and reconnected to everything that I used to be as a kid, I realized it's really, really hard to know kind of who you are. I mean, I'm 26 now, and I'm still trying to figure that out. Writing "Beauty Pageant" just helped me to realize how normal those feelings are, and it's really a shared experience, and it helps normalize those feelings for me but also for other people hopefully, as well.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "BEAUTY PAGEANT")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) I won't stop until you love me. Come on and make me pretty.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIE HAPPY")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) You said in a past life, we were spiders.
My album is called "Cruel World," and to me, the album kind of goes between, you know, the highest highs and the lowest lows. I think as humans, you know, life is just chaos, and all we have is kind of music and each other, and we have to hold on to those really precious things in a world that feels really stressful and hopeless.
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIE HAPPY")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) So hit the gas.
RASCOE: That's the musician Holly Humberstone. She has a new album out. It's called "Cruel World."
(SOUNDBITE OF SONG, "DIE HAPPY")
HUMBERSTONE: (Singing) All that matters is your name on my necklace. Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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